Overcoming The Grip of Resentment

48
1511
overcoming the grip of resentment in drug and alcohol abuse recovery
Overcoming the Grip of Resentment

Resentment is an emotional cancer. It forms deep inside and eats you alive. Resentment typically stems from frustration over being slighted and consumes you to your very core. However, it can arise from nearly anything: being cut off in traffic, not being invited to a special event, or being passed over for that promotion you felt you deserved. If you’re not careful, it can also affect your physical wellbeing. High blood pressure, blocked digestion and psychological issues are all too common for people who wallow in resentment. Even more alarming, resentment is by far one of the most potent triggers for substance and alcohol use and abuse. For all these reasons and many more, it’s vital to use your ability to forgive as a secret weapon, your medicine against resentment.

overcomingthegripofresentment
overcomingthegripofresentment

It may not feel like it, but forgiveness is a choice. It is a gift we grant ourselves to free us from unwanted, painful emotions. I’ve always loved the analogy, “You can’t take poison to kill someone else” because it really sums up the issue in a nutshell. While you sit around harboring resentment, taking the poison, the person who ticked you off, the object of your resentment, is walking around unaware and unaffected. From a point of utility, resentment has to be one of the most useless emotions. On the other hand, its counterpart, forgiveness, makes all the sense in the world. With a simple change of your perspective, the pain can be gone, replaced by a sudden, serene rush of relief and calm.

The key question is how to accomplish forgiveness. In some instances, it’s relatively easy; a coworker forgets your birthday for the first time because of a family emergency. It’s simple to let that one go. However, what happens when it’s something serious that is done by someone about whom you care deeply? What if they’re not even willing to apologize? How dare they? I would never do that to them, are probably two of the most common and dangerous thoughts that follow. It comes so naturally, almost as automatically as breathing. These grievances are some of the toughest but most important to forgive. I suggest that you keep the following exercise handy for those times when you are totally irked and feel a nice, lethal dose of resentment boiling up inside. For your sake, it’s necessary to FORGIVE, so let’s learn how to do that.

Does the other person even know they’ve offended you? We frequently assume a person knows when they’ve slighted us. However, more often than not the entire experience is the result of a misunderstanding and the other person would have acted differently had they been aware of the effect of their comment. It’s all about communication and perspective. You need to find out whether or not you’re simply making a mountain out of a molehill, and you accomplish this through communication.

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. So, now you’ve had the conversation, and the other person has made it clear that they acted for a reason, and they would make the same choices if they had to do it all over again. For example, you could have been passed over for a promotion for a number of reasons. Perhaps, your colleague had been around longer and/or was better qualified. Maybe, you are being grooming you for another position. Whatever the reason, you need to be openminded and do a self-check to determine whether your ego is getting in the way of rational thinking.

Learn the art of letting go. You’ve had the conversation – or you’re positive a conversation will be futile – and there’s no good reason for being slighted. In your mind, the other person is obviously a complete jerk who doesn’t care. This is the time when a nice, big, juicy helping of revenge can seem awfully enticing, but where will it get you? Do you really need to be involved in an ever-escalating blood feud that could eventually go nuclear? Patience and forgiveness are the better part of valor, especially for YOU. You have much better, more productive things to do with your time. Karma will eventually catch up with someone who is rude and hurtful; it always does.

Get some exercise. There’s nothing better than a long walk, a workout routine at the gym or even simple calisthenics to get your blood flowing and your endorphins running to put you in a stable frame of mind. You’ll make better long term decisions after blowing off some steam.

Pity for the other person. There’s a scene in the movie Waterboy where Henry Winkler (formerly known as the “Fonz” from Happy Days, for us older folks) is frozen by fear as he looks at the other team’s intimidating coach. To overcome his fear, he begins to imagine the coach as a cute, little baby. No more fear. This same exercise works using pity. When you realize just how pitiable the other person is, you set yourself free.

Pray for the other person. In some ways, prayer is an extension of pity; nonetheless it is important in its own right. Whether you understand it as reaching out to your Higher Power or just speaking something into existence, it will have a powerful impact on you, and that’s the point. You’ll find it much easier to forgive and put it behind you.

Consider forgiving yourself. Finally, and most importantly, you need to consider forgiving yourself. Your issue of resentment may not have anything to do with someone else. It may just be frustration over something you’ve done or how you’ve acted. You can’t change the past, so try not to worry so much about it. For all you Lion King fans, “Hakuna Matata.” Then again, even when resentment stems from the actions of another, it often involves a certain amount of self-hatred over the incident; you blame yourself for being the victim. This can cause you to crawl into a shell or lash out at people who had nothing to do with the issue. Either way, it’s self-destructive. Nothing has ever been resolved by hating yourself. We are human; we all make mistakes. Get over it. Forgive yourself, and move on, for everyone’s sake.

You cannot live your life carrying heavy emotional baggage from place to place. Resentment is nothing more than a way to sabotage your life. Recall the saying, “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man how to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” Take the lessons from this article to heart, and you, too, will have the tools to be fed for life.

Gilbert J. Fiorentino, JD founded TigerDirect, which, with the acquisition of CompUSA and Circuit City, grew to nearly $4 billion in sales worldwide, as part of a NYSE company. He is a philanthropist, former adjunct professor of business law at the University of Miami and has undergone over 600 hours of drug and alcohol addiction treatment in federal prison, where he is serving a sentence for failing to report his full income while CEO of TigerDirect. He has spent the last five years reading, writing and becoming a spokesman in the battle against addiction. 

Help and support is within reach for you or a loved one battling addiction. Explore InRecovery’s national addiction treatment center directory now.
national addiction treatment center database

48 COMMENTS

  1. Aw, this was a very nice post. In thought I wish to put in writing like this moreover – taking time and precise effort to make a very good article… however what can I say… I procrastinate alot and certainly not appear to get one thing done.

  2. Thank you for sharing excellent informations. Your site is so cool. I am impressed by the details that you’ve on this site. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for more articles. You, my friend, ROCK! I found simply the information I already searched everywhere and just couldn’t come across. What an ideal site.

  3. Hey, you used to write great, but the last few posts have been kinda boring… I miss your tremendous writings. Past few posts are just a little out of track! come on!

  4. There is amazing developments on the structure of your webpage, I definitely enjoy it! My own is relating to Arvind Pandit Kansas and now there are plenty of stuff to be done, I am currently a newcomer in web development. Thanks!

  5. I’m impressed, I have to admit. Genuinely rarely should i encounter a weblog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you may have hit the nail about the head. Your idea is outstanding; the problem is an element that insufficient persons are speaking intelligently about. I am delighted we came across this during my look for something with this.

  6. I personally arrived right here via another page on the subject of real estate classes and considered I may as well look at this. I really like what I see therefore I am just following you. Looking forward to exploring your blog all over again.

  7. Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good gains. If you know of any please share. Appreciate it!

  8. You are certainly right and I definitely trust you. Whenever you want, we could also speak about facetime free app, a thing which fascinates me. The site is really great, cheers!

  9. I was speaking to a good friend of my own around this and regarding twitter followers too. I think you made a number of very good points in this article, we’re looking forward to read more information from you.

  10. Our LGV (Large Goods Vehicle) HGV training is based in East London, and our LGV/ HGV courses are taught by qualified DVSA LGV & HGV trainers. LGV was formerly known as HGV, where it used to be referred to as HGV Class 2 (now called LGV Category C) and HGV class 1 (Now called LGV Category C+E).

  11. You are completely right! I enjoyed reviewing this article and I will come back for more as quickly as possible. My internet site is on free tv streaming, you might look if you are still interested in this.

  12. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog article or vice-versa? My site discusses a lot of the same subjects as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each other. If you’re interested feel free to shoot me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Awesome blog by the way!

  13. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog article or vice-versa? My site discusses a lot of the same subjects as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each other. If you’re interested feel free to shoot me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Awesome blog by the way!

  14. It was actually wonderful to read this article and I believe you’re absolutely correct. Inform me if perhaps you’re curious about heat pump repair service, that’s my principal competence. I am hoping to see you soon enough, cheers!

  15. Hi there! This is my very first comment on your site so I really wanted to say a quick shout out and tell you I truly enjoy reading your articles. Can you recommend any other sites that deal with canon printer setup? I am also truly fascinated with that! Thanks a lot!

  16. I am curious to know what site platform you have been working with? I’m having a few minor protection challenges with my latest site regarding car games and I would like to find something much more safe. Are there any alternatives?

  17. I am seriously loving the theme/design of your internet site. Do you ever run into any kind of internet browser interface situations? Quite a few of the website visitors have complained about my sea freight services site not operating appropriately in Internet Explorer though looks awesome in Firefox. Are there any kind of recommendations to assist fix this issue?

  18. There are terrific upgrades on the style of this page, I definitely enjoy it. Mine is regarding overnight shipping rates and currently there are lots of things to do, I am still a newcomer in website development. Thanks!

  19. This can be the appropriate weblog for everyone who desires to locate out about this subject. You comprehend so significantly its virtually hard to argue with you (not that I really would want…HaHa). You certainly put a new spin on a subject thats been written about for years. Terrific stuff, just wonderful!

  20. Admiring the commitment you invested in the blog and thorough details you provide. It is nice to discover a site from time to time which is not the similar old re-written material. Great read! We have bookmarked your site and I’m including the RSS feeds to my own stream movies page.

  21. When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Appreciate it!

  22. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here