Meditation

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“When I talk about it, it lets go a little bit.” – Susan C.

Isolated and alonethat’s the way I was. Stuck in the absolute need to figure it outthat’s the way I was. Securely imprisoned in the need to solve this problem and that problem and that problem and, when I could not, to solve your problemsthat’s the way I was. Accepting help would be a sign of defeat, would diminish methat’s the way I thought. I gritted my teeth so much that I’m surprised I have any enamel left.

Isolated and alone – that’s the way I was. Stuck in the absolute need to figure it out – that’s the way I was. Accepting help would be a sign of defeat, would diminish me – that’s the way I thought.

Susan spoke her words with a little sigh. She, like I, wanted relief from that personal bondage. The way out of this bondage is to open up to others who can help me. Unfortunately, working on this phase of a healthy recovery is not as easy as unlocking and opening my front door to step outside.

My recovery door has acquired rust over the years. Each time I “talk about it,” I am able to scrape off a little bit of that rust. But I become overly confident, believing I can force the door open with my shoulder, soon finding myself right back where I started.

However, after I have talked about what has imprisoned me behind that door and have chipped away a sufficient amount of rust, I can, with help from my Higher Power and my friends, open the door wide enough to emerge.

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Mike Lyding was born in 1945 in Phoenix, AZ. Since becoming sober in December 1993, he has been drawn to prayer and meditation. While meditating at age 58, he learned he had a desire to write. So far, the result has been two daily meditation books primarily for the recovering communities, Grateful, Not Smug (Daily Recovery Meditiations) (2006) and Gratitude a Verb (2009).

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